my life, today

I would like this feeling to go away. Maybe a better way to put it is, I would like to be in the middle of something worth fighting for. Too many things in my life seem to have failed, or I have failed them. I know that everything is in Gods plan, but in my eyes, I am lost at sea. This has been a very interesting life. I am quite honestly not sure what the future holds for me. I just want to do Gods will for my life. I know it existis, somewhere deep within my own heart. Now, if I can just find that, I will be golden. :-)

I love people. I love to love, and to laugh, and to talk. I love most to talk with people about the so-called "deep" thing, because those are the topics actually worth the air. Dont get me wrong, I am not a emotional philosoph, just someone who cares.

God my God, where am I. Am i the one not listening? Do I talk too much... because I tend to do that. What would you have me do right now.

I am thinking about dropping out of school. Maybe it will be just a semester off, but I think it might turn out to be more than that. I would like for someone I trust to tell me this is a good idea. I dont know why I need affirmation. Maybe because I am unclear as to what God thinks.

Everything is going to be okay. This life is worth living. God is in controll. Or, atleast, I hope he is, because I am damn sure that I lost it a while ago... haha.

Current life plan:
Do not go back to Grove.
Work with my father (10x more stressful and complicated than school, trust me).
Work out of the office next door to have my own space.
Get on a good work-out program to gain weight and look hot. hahahaha. mainly to be healthy...
Write letters to my friends regularly (2 or so a week)
Read a book a week of my choosing to continue learning.
Spend time with my family.
Spend time with friends.
Travel all over the states, for work and leisure.

My goals:
Work: By Christmas of 2008, have a salary and move out to my own apartment or small house. Have a new car and travel frequently. Work 50 hours a week and love it.
Friendships: Have several people across the US I write frequently, and actually make a difference in their life.
Body: By Christmas 2007, weigh 190 lb.

I will add more later, but that is what I have right now... my plane is leaving, haha, g2g

a question

Why am I afraid to dance, I who love music and rhythm and grace and song and laughter?

Why am I afraid to live, I who love life and the beauty of flesh and the living colors of the earth and sky and sea?

Why am I afraid to love, I who love love?

-Eugene O’neill

Life, Now.

"Under your pardon. You must note beside,
That we have tried the utmost of our friends,
Our legions are brim-full, our cause is ripe:
The enemy increaseth every day;
We, at the height, are ready to decline.
There is a tide in the affairs of men,
Which, taken at the flood, leads on to fortune;
Omitted, all the voyage of their life
Is bound in shallows and in miseries.
On such a full sea are we now afloat;
And we must take the current when it serves,
Or lose our ventures."