Jubilee Conference... One week ago.

One week ago I went to a conference in Pittsburgh. It was called the Jubilee conference. For the most part, it was a series of lectures and social events for three days surrounding around the idea of moving college students into action to change the world around them. For me, it was both informative, in that I learned how really screwed the world is, but it was also a great time of reflection. While I was there, I wrote in my notebook an entry that I promised myself I was going to post on here no matter how it turned out. It has been a week, there has been no editing to this...so here goes nothing. Please forgive my tardiness.

My thoughts:
Since I can remember, I have been a fixer by nature. This has lead me into computers and engineering because they were constant problems that needed fixing. However, I soon grew tired because I had no goal or purpose, and I was not in complete dependence of God. For some reason, I have not expected the ways Gd has guided my life. My soccer career ended in a strange way. I was fouled out setting a precedent for the game. My friends were being bullied around and I grew tired of it and so I set a standard. We went from loosing with a full team to finally pulling through and tying into overtime, but loosing the shootout. Then, I saw myself as a failure, but perhaps it was not about winning the game but learning the lesson. In school, I was always the devils advocate against the teachers. This was not out of rebellion, but because I was tired of authority trampling people. In high school, my great task was debate. However, that crumbled as I grew tired of twisting the truth and I grew tired of arguing against little challenge, only for my own glorification. So, instead of moving forward in politics, I abandoned that outlet. But now, i can see that once again there was a lesson to be learned in my experiences. Though debate, I learned that: just because someone wins an argument does not make them right, it makes them persuasive. So, alas, here I stand at Grove City College seeking God and trying to see how I can help the world. Here is what I know about myself:
-- I have to be helping people to be happy in life.
-- I feel called to defend the underdog, purify the faith, and witness to the intellectuals and the powerful.
-- I am the happiness when I am fixing problems.

So, here is what i feel I must do for the fulfillment of Gods will in my life. This has come by revelation, and is in interesting timing with the rest of my life.

I need to place myself in the cross-hairs of the huge problems of life and just be me. Only admits the storms have I ever felt right/ happy/ complete. So, if I want to seek the will of God in my life – I need to place myself in the storms of life and start working. Then, let the favor and gifts God has given me begin to transform this world.

Ironically, I sit here in the second session of the Jubilee conference wondering why my affinity for books ifs fading. I walked around their book stand, thinking- these are all the same and none of them are actions, just words..... (and interestingly enough) the speaker just started talking about how books are not life. He said “You can get straight A's and still flunk life”.