exaustion, sort of

I am tired. My body and mind are tired. I am not sure why. I have trouble waking up, and am finding sleep more and more appealing. Why am I so tired?

This week was dirty. I am not sure how to discribe it other than simply "dirty". Mentally, emotionally, converstaionally... all just dirty. The only consistancy has been the ever increasing rate of time. These first weeks here seemed to go by so slowly, in a good way. Every day was fully of oppertunity to grow and develop. But now, things seem to have slowed down, and I am becoming more and more lazy. I do wish that I had the stamina to finish this race strong.

That is one of the reasons I stayed in cross-country -> not because I was good at it, but because my endurance and patience are horribly weak. You know what I learned from two years of running to no end.... my endurance and patience are horribly weak. But, to what extent that effects me, is totally my decision.

So, though life seems to be spiraling into a dark abyss, I will try and press forward and remember what life was like when I enjoyed all of this to no end.

But how am I suppose to enjoy life and all of these wonderful adventures without somone who is going to stay with me for more of my life than these few years in college. This does annoy me, the whole- me not being in "the relationship". I know that God is looking for me to surrender my desires to Him, and I know that I must learn to dissern between girl friends, and girlfriends. But, it is such a strong desire, that I am not the best judge of my actions in this area. I just want to enjoy life with someone who wants to enjoy it with me. I am tired of all the complications and incompatibilities. Isn't there someone out there who fits perfectly with my personality -> and I dont mean who she could be, but who she is, even if that is deep down inside of her. I chose to believe in the good of people, because if that good did not exist beyond the games everyone plays, life and friends would not be worth the effort.

But God is good, all the time, and all the time, God is good.
So with that, I will try some music and sleep- in that order.