Truth, my findings

My anonymous friend recently left a comment that I would like to respond to for the purpose of defining what I believe to be Truth, and more specifically, what evidence I have of this Truth. The comment was the following:

I think you're intelligent enough to know not to teach people things that you know to be untruths. That would go against the Christianity that you hold so dear...I want you to make sure that you're right. Justified, backed up by Scripture and experience, I-know-this-is-absolute-Truth kind of right. Right as in upstanding morality...Because, with all of this introspection coupled with all this isolation in the past few months, you walk a dangerous line of coming to really stunning conclusions or falling into the trap of thinking that you're right all the time because you've had nobody better to compare yourself to. And this isn't just you - anybody would need to watch himself on this issue.

The proposition that logic, evidence and experience determining rightness, ironically, is one of the biggest lessons that I learned in debate. And as such, it is something I have been giving a good deal of thought to over the last month or two (in trying to teach debate at Metro)... and this comment just so happens to illustrate something that I would like to challenge with a theory of my own.

With regards to "right" and also with regards to those "better", or rather, those more knowledgeable or more skilled in discourse or philosophizing than me... I will respond with a story:

When I was at Grove City College, I had this theology professor, an older guy, I think in his 70s, maybe 60s, who taught three of my theology classes. He had his doctorate from Princeton, and was a devout Calvinist. With regards to predestination, he had books and books of evidence, as well as extrapolations from scripture, to prove that he was "right". He has been teaching college for 30 years, he is one of the most intelligent theologians at Grove City, and his office is simply a labyrinth of books at best. I must have listened to hours and hours of a dissertation style proposition and defense of several concepts within scripture, and the resultant truths that he concluded, from years of study and experience, as to the Truth of our relationship with God, with man, and with ourself.... and yet, at the end of the day, he was wrong.

I say this plainly because the idea is simple. This is not an exception to the rule. There are thousands of theologians around the world who have proven their truth. All it takes is a listening ear to know that God does not exist, that God does exist, that God does not care about humanity, that God does care about humanity, that salvation is a myth, that salvation is eternal life with God, that it comes by faith, that it comes by work, that Jesus was a prophet, that Jesus was the son of God.

It appears that rightness is sloppy at best in the field of philosophy and theology. The rules of math do not seem to apply. (Ironically, the rules of math, that there is this provable right and wrong, only apply in simple math. Ask any person who has studied advanced math or physics, and they will tell you that anything beyond simply math is all guess work and approximations at best.)

The point I am trying to contend here is simple. The biggest thing that I learned from being in debate is that: just because someone wins an argument or has more legitimate evidence, does not mean they are right.

Tragic, I know. It kind of rocks the boat of Truth. The reason why I contend this is simple. I do not want to think that anything I hold to be right or true is such because it is an extrapolation of evidence or experience. While I hold both of those in high regards, because of my knowledge of their manipulability, I can not find in them adequate grounds to hold something to be in the realm of "I-know-this-is-absolute-Truth kind of right". To me, evidence, experience, and even logic itself is flexible. I should know, as I have often been the flexor to it time and again over the last several years. Morality included, ask any history major, fluxes with time.

Well, then, what are we left with... Should we simply become but existentialist, believing truth and value to only exist as we feel it should? Do we try and define our own reality from the columns of our insanity? I do not think that is or only option.

To me, as it will forever be, Truth resonates within the soul. This is not a contention, an opinion, or a proposition. This is a fact, or more appropriately, a Truth. In the Kingdom of God, Truth resonates within our spirit.

Today I watched Equilibrium, a dystopia wherein society is "saved" by being stripped of its emotion. Such a decision was necessary, as emotion leads to hate and thus war. The contention was simply, that humanity, as a race, will not survive emotion.... one of the primary contention of the film is that emotion is what makes life worth living. A caste or level system is established, wherein basic human function is at the bottom of the ladder, with emotion being at the top. While one can exist without emotion, such a disposition also strips them of their identity and humanity. Without emotion, life becomes pointless.

On the same tune, I will project my own theory, as an extrapolation from the Truth that I know about this world.... While basic human existence is at the bottom, and emotion is surely necessary to be fully human, I do not find it hard to contend that operation within the spiritual realm is what makes life worth living, and thus the top rung of the social latter. To me, as marriage is to illustrate a relationship between man and God, I do also believe that human emotion is to illustrate a relationship between the flesh and the spirit. Marriage demonstrates a bond between two people, and thus demonstrates our bond with God. In the same way, human emotion demonstrates that there is an unpredictable, intangible to life that makes it worth living, thus showing us that there is a Truth that exist outside of our capacity for understanding.

Simply put, it would take a foolish man to believe that he could understand the world. It is wise man that knows that he can not understand the workings of the world, and thus intelligently adjusts his disposition accordingly. The release of cognitive control of our micro universe is not an act of stupidity or surrender, but rather an act of intelligence. While it may seem that the safest way to live life is without emotion, Equilibrium strongly contends that emotion is worth the risk. In the same way, while it most certainly seems that it is safest to live life rejecting things of the spirit, the kingdom of God contends that the ways God are certainly worth the risk.

In the here and now, the Bible speaks of a war, not of peace. While I certainly view piece as our target, and strongly contended that in the hereafter, there will be eternal peace with God, until then, I believe that our strategies of hiding our heads in the sand simply will not do. Unfortunately for us, there is no Canada to move away to in the fight for Truth. In reality, there is the choice to fight, or to slip away into nothingness, eternally forgotten.

In response to Anonymous, I assure you, I will be teaching only that which I know to be True. However, I should also inform you that such Truth was not arrived upon because of any book, or scripture, or life lesson. Rather, it was a culmination of all of the above, with its Truth sorted by the resonance I feel within myself as part of the Kingdom of God.

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I do offer one final comment to anonymous.... I do value peer input in life. While I do believe that by the spirit, we can distinguish Truth from untruth, the does not mean that I or we can spontaneously construct or regurgitate truth. For whatever reason, I do strongly believe that we are social creatures, instructed to live a social life.

With that in mind, I would ask you for your continued input on my earth shattering ideas. And please, if you objected to one of my ideas, give me convincing reasons why, so that we can discuss concepts in their entirety and not simply throw around shocking phrases or titles like only amateurs would. If logic, evidence, scripture, and experience are what you believe to determine "rightness", then when you object to the rightness of any of my ideas, please respond with adequate quantities of each so that we can have a full conversation.

purpose of blogging

Today in class we discussed the purpose of blogging. Opinions aside, this is what I feel is the purpose of blogging:

Blogging is an attempt to communicate. In today's market, there are a variety of ways that an individual can express their self and communicate with the outside world. Blogging is a way to communicate, without interruption, a single or stream of thoughts or ideas to an audience that cares enough to at least read what you have written, without being obligated to continue reading/ listening by social formalities.

Within the blogosphere, social cordialities, for better or for worse, take a back seat to the transfer of information. While this unfortunately develops individuals into malformed social entities, until then, it does hold the capacity for unadulterated communication, for whatever purpose one would have to communicate.

Within the world of communication, people convey thoughts, emotions and ideas for both good and bad reasons. Recognizing blogging as a medium/ method allows us to then remove the negative connotations from blogging to view it in proper light. In other words, before we negatively evaluate blogs, we should perhaps first take into consideration the general stereotype of bloggers by whom's blogs we are judging the great blogosphere that is.

Source aside, I do believe that blogging both has its advantages, as listed above, as well as its disadvantages, which I believe to still be within the bounds of disadvantage that a book must overcome. As long as we as a society can find value in literature, I believe, if viewed properly, we can also find great value in blogs.

The question now is, what is proper social etiquette in the great world of blog.

hope quotes

To me, hope makes life worth living. Whether that hope is an idealism, or a subconscious dream... to me, as it will forever be, hope makes life worth living.

Below I have two quotes on hope. The first is self-insipiring. The second is the reason why I am leaving my family to go and fill my own cup. I hope you enjoy them.

Hope springs eternal in the human breast;
Man never Is, but always To be blest:
The soul, uneasy and confin'd from home,
Rests and expatiates in a life to come.

-Alexander Pope,

And the second...

Insist on yourself; never imitate. Your own gift you can present every moment with the cumulative force of a whole life's cultivation; but of the adopted talent of another you have only an extemporaneous half possession...
Do that which is assigned to you, and you cannot hope too much or dare too much.

-Ralph Waldo Emerson

Meyers-Briggs Personality

Following the lead of my friend Shayna... I decided to take a personality type test. I have taken this one before, and achieved the same result... so this should be fairly accurate. What do you think?

The Portait of the Teacher (ENFJ)



The Idealists called Teachers are abstract in their thought and speech, cooperative in their style of achieving goals, and directive and extraverted in their interpersonal relations. Learning in the young has to be beckoned forth, teased out from its hiding place, or, as suggested by the word "education," it has to be "educed." by an individual with educative capabilities. Such a one is the eNFj, thus rightly called the educative mentor or Teacher for short. The Teacher is especially capable of educing or calling forth those inner potentials each learner possesses. Even as children the Teachers may attract a gathering of other children ready to follow their lead in play or work. And they lead without seeming to do so.

Teachers expect the very best of those around them, and this expectation, usually expressed as enthusiastic encouragement, motivates action in others and the desire to live up to their expectations. Teachers have the charming characteristic of taking for granted that their expectations will be met, their implicit commands obeyed, never doubting that people will want to do what they suggest. And, more often than not, people do, because this type has extraordinary charisma.

The Teachers are found in no more than 2 or 3 percent of the population. They like to have things settled and arranged. They prefer to plan both work and social engagements ahead of time and tend to be absolutely reliable in honoring these commitments. At the same time, Teachers are very much at home in complex situations which require the juggling of much data with little pre-planning. An experienced Teacher group leader can dream up, effortlessly, and almost endlessly, activities for groups to engage in, and stimulating roles for members of the group to play. In some Teachers, inspired by the responsiveness of their students or followers, this can amount to genius which other types find hard to emulate. Such ability to preside without planning reminds us somewhat of an Provider, but the latter acts more as a master of ceremonies than as a leader of groups. Providers are natural hosts and hostesses, making sure that each guest is well looked after at social gatherings, or that the right things are expressed on traditional occasions, such as weddings, funerals, graduations, and the like. In much the same way, Teachers value harmonious human relations about all else, can handle people with charm and concern, and are usually popular wherever they are. But Teachers are not so much social as educational leaders, interested primarily in the personal growth and development of others, and less in attending to their social needs.

Mikhail Gorbachev, Oprah Winfrey, Pope John Paul II, Ralph Nader, John Wooden, and Margaret Mead are examples of Teacher Idealists.

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All Idealists share the following core characteristics:

* Idealists are enthusiastic, they trust their intuition, yearn for romance, seek their true self, prize meaningful relationships, and dream of attaining wisdom.
* Idealists pride themselves on being loving, kindhearted, and authentic.
* Idealists tend to be giving, trusting, spiritual, and they are focused on personal journeys and human potentials.
* Idealists make intense mates, nurturing parents, and inspirational leaders.

Idealists as a temperament, are passionately concerned with personal growth and development. Idealists strive to discover who they are and how they can become their best possible self--always this quest for self-knowledge and self-improvement drives their imagination. And they want to help others make the journey. Idealists are naturally drawn to working with people, and whether in education or counseling, in social services or personnel work, in journalism or the ministry, they are gifted at helping others find their way in life, often inspiring them to grow as individuals and to fulfill their potentials.

addendum to choice

Just to be clear... I do see the heart of what Anonymous was trying to say with their comment... that I should only teach truth and not simply brainwash people with speculation... to that, I assure you that I most usually draw clear lines, in any conversation, between speculation and what I hold to be true.

I do thank you for your words of wisdom though, as I have had the tendency in the past to simply try and convince everyone of every new thought in my head....

Okay, I think my position is clear... I hope my last post was not offensive... lol

people and their choice

The beautiful thing about the state of humanity is that we are defined by our capacity to make decisions. While some would argue that a person becomes more and more capable of of making "better decisions" as they grow older, I suppose that you could also argue the opposite, that as people within a society grow older, they not only become more "stuck in their ways" (for better or for worse), but there is a general indoctrination that occurs by one person being within the same group for a long enough period of time. No matter how "independent" you may be, your peers inevitably will have an effect on your life... pushing you towards something they endorse, or away from it by your own observation and decision to not follow such a lifestyle.

What separates us from all of creation, including the animals is that we have a distinct and capable ability to choose. So great is this capacity, that God even hangs our eternity upon the ability to make a decision. Granted, he does help to influence the decision by allowing us to make a decision through a pre-fall mindset (with the aid of the Holy Spirit), but at the end of the day, it is our choice.

In fact, I would go as far as to say that "choice" is the very thing that defines us as individuals. While we are all born with different traits and characteristics, I strongly believe that we define our own identity by the decisions that we make day in and day out. Call me crazy, but I believe that you can choose the type of person you want to be in life.

From a Christian view, I believe this is what salvation is all about. I do not believe that salvation is simply choosing between heaven or a lake of fire... but rather that we are here on earth, given a lifetime to decide if we want a relationship with God. If we choose yes, then after our death, we are given eternity with Him. If we choose no, then God, in his benevolence, allows his creation to live in eternal separation from Him. While this is often discribed as a "lake of fire", I am totally fine with that discription being metaphorical, as a Christian would surely view eternity with out God to be a lake of fire. To those who reject the Christian truth, they are given what they asked for, to finally be left alone for all of eternity.

At the end of the day though, the concept of salvation, to me, is all about choosing God or rejecting Him. To those that choose God, they will get what they want (by the mercy and grace of God). To those who reject Him, they will be forever left alone. While such a decision breaks my heart over and again, it is still their choice, and one only they can make. Sorry to any Calvinist out there, but I fail to believe that God forces anyone to accept Him.


In response to an Anonymous post on my last entry, requesting that I be completely sure of whatever I am teaching... I say thank you, but no thank you. I do not think it is necessary to fully verify everything that I "teach" to the nth degree. Every day, I will go out into the world with the Truth that I know, and the humbleness of knowing that I am still maturing as a person. With regards to my interaction to society, I would hope that at the end of the day, someone found some trait or piece of information in me worth holding on to. If not, then I would hope that I showed them something or someone that they did NOT want to be later in life.... While it is always good to lead by example, I dont think that example must always be the correct example.

At the end of the day, people must decide for their own self what truth or principles they are willing to accept and implement into their own life. If they do not accept what I am offering, then I hope that they at least make a decision in another direction so as to get them out of the luke-warmness of indecision.

When I said that I wanted to teach no matter where I am going or what I am doing, I mean that as a person, I want to challenge people to change and evolve. The direction that evolution goes, however, is their decision not mine.

That being said, I do ensure you reader that I push people only in the directions that I believe to be correct and true. It would be absolutely horrible if I were simply manipulating people in a direction of evil or injustice. If that were the case, then certainly your comment would hold weight. However, as of now, for whatever it is worth, I ensure you that I am not out to manipulate any of the people that I come in contact with. My job, as a friend to those I meet, is to push people to finally own their thoughts, own their faith, and own their identity. Whoever they end up being later in life, I want it to be their choice, and not simply a byproduct of the indoctrination of our society.

Whether or not you agree with society's projection of truth, I think you can agree that it is important that every citizen to hold their own beliefs for their own reasons, and not simply try to "fit in with the mold" because the mold exists.

At the end of the day, I want people to know where they stand in life, instead of being pushed around by one good sounding philosophy after another. I would hate for anyone to show up on judgement day saying "maybe".

good people

I just want to turn out good people.

No matter how short a time I have with someone, or some group of people... when the conversation or our time together is over, I just want to know that after everything is said and done, and they have had time to think about that experience... in some way, they are a better person for having spent time with me.

My grandfather passed away when I was a senior in high school. For those of you who dont know... he was a doctor, a lawyer, a teacher, and a war vet in his lifetime. He left high school about half way through after winning the national science fair. Ironically, he has his law degree and medical degree, but no high school diploma. During his life, he taught at a college, he was a medical doctor for several years, then finally he spent several years as a lawyer, specializing in cases dealing with advanced medical issues.

Right before my grandfather passed away, my father asked him a question. "If you could do it all again, what would you do differently?" His response was that he would have spent far more time teaching than just being a doctor or a lawyer.

I think I am beginning to understand what he was getting at. It fells good to feed into peoples life. It doesn't have to be teaching a class, or lecturing a friend. I think you can teach (perhaps more effectively) without ever opening your mouth. Wherever I go, whatever I am doing, I would like to be teaching the best principles that I know.

That is my life goal.

quick post....

First, I need to read and write a lot more than I currently do.

Second: I think I just figured out what I am going to do in college. Thank you Jesus for finally helping me out here.

:-)

to Anonymous

I have A or Several anonymous respondents to some of my posts... but no real way to respond to them. However, seeing as how I really have valued what that person or group of people have said, I will respond to them with a new post.

Here is my response to Anonymous... in response to their comments on my posts: "dreaming", "Overflow of my Brain", and "Title Poem"

I will have to respond to their other remarks later...

First, to "dreaming":

I would LOVE to do what God tells me to do... but first, I would need for Him to tell me what to do... lol. Maybe I talk too much... but thus far in my life, it seems like God prefers to lead me by guiding my actions, rather than by telling me where to go.... to say it another way: God tends to be my steering wheel, but not my GPS or gas pedal.

Right now, I am afraid to hit the gas, because I have no clue what direction I am pointed, nor do I know which directions I should be pointed.

So... DUH ZAC!, just hit the gas and let God steer you may say... well, I am fickle. :-)


Second, to "Overflow of my Brain":

I dont feel like I really was all that exceptional in debate or in soccer... I placed 6th at State in debate... barely, and didnt even make it to the state tournament in soccer (due to my silly red card)

Lastly, to "Title Poem":

I have always thought that it was because I wasnt ready... it will be a total trip if it is because SHE isnt ready... lol.




PS- Thank you for your input Anonymous

Halo

Why is Halo so popular?

I play Marvel Ultimate Alliance in my free time... as I just beat Rainbow Vegas.

I have played these types of video games since I was a kid... and I get addicted to them until I have beaten them.

Understandably, Halo introduces a fluid environment where you can play with other people... making it more challenging.

The question still remains. Why are people addicted to Halo? What does it bring them that make it worth the time sacrifice to play?

And while we are at it... why does everyone love Lost?

[disclaimer: I love both of these things, but I want to know why I am addicted...]

my comet

If you are a fellow One Tree Hill fanatic, you should recognize this post by its title. In the season finally, Lucas finally finishes his second book which is "supposedly" about a boy seeing a comet that brought him energy and life... and then that comet disappearing for nearly all the boys life, causing him to question God and love and faith.

To quote the book: "The boy saw the comet and he felt as though his life had meaning. And when it went away, he waited his entire life for it to come back to him."

While I do not know how that book ends, I do know of the parallels that I see to it in my own life. Simply put, I have had a dream of beauty and completion and greatness since before I can even remember....

[Side note: You know, you hear of all these great stories of dreams that people have for life, and they can always link that dream back to one day or experience that started it all. For some reason, I simply can not. I have just always had a dream for to be married to a beautiful woman, to have an incredible family, and to change the world with my influence/greatness. Honestly, I dont even know where it came from. ]

My idol is Batman... and I think that explains more about my life than any post could. To his success and failure, I find my life searching after what Batman had. Batman, in my eye, was this person of power and influence who used all of his resources not for personal enjoyment, but to help the community around him. Ironically, he never gets the girl in the end... or rather, he never stays with the girl in the end. Instead, his personal pleasures are always trumped by the needs of the world around him. To me, Batman is the hero of all heroes because of his willingness to sacrifice his life and love to help others. In Batman, I see this man who loves deeply, who really cares for the world around him... he is a man who is moved by passion and emotion, who wants MORE out of life. And yet, ironically, the world that he lives in, Gotham, more often than not, only sees him as a machine of the night, and often hates him for some reason for another. In that, we see another sacrifice he is willing to make... and the latest Batman movie even demonstraits this... Bruce is willing to even sacrifice his own image and what even those close to him think of him as long as it is benefiting the greater good. To me, Bruce is a man's man, caring more about the world than his own success in it.... Oh the greater good... Alas, I fear I may be damned to such a position... if I am lucky :-)

I recently read through some old stories and poems I wrote in middle school. No worries... writing poetry was not a hobby of mine... rather a bizar school project, lol. Anywho, I thought you all out there (whoever you may be) might enjoy reading this one, as it once again tells you a lot about me and my inner-workings.

This is a poem I wrote when I was 10 years old. I actually remember writing this one... there was about 10 minutes of though, and then I just wrote it straight through, letting my inner (whatever) spill out on the paper. Knowing that I was only 10 when I wrote this really freaks me out... not because of any skill in the work, but rather to the degree that I still feel like I can associate with the emotion... the strong desire for love..... and the sadness of being alone. I do hope that if I ever did find "her" out there, that I would never make this mistake.

The poem is posted below, verbatim as I found it.

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The Wind That Whispered

I saw a stranger passing by
I looked her straight, dead in the eye

We exchanged look, sights, and sounds
I was going to speak
When my mouth went weak

I opened my mouth
I tried to say
But I'll have to tell her
Some other day

As she left
I heard a whisper
Run, chase
Catch up with her
Ask her to stay nearby

A couple of minutes
For she could change your life
From a dew of a damp
To a lightening slick shine
She could be with
During the hard times

But I let her go
I let her leave
I let her go
She left my heart
With just a whisper of a dream

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I have long since dreamed of living my life with such an incredible woman, and I still tragically believe in love at first sight. I am honestly tired of dating, and now I feel like all I am doing is searching. My belief in this woman seems to parallel my belief in God, though I hope they are independent. Both faiths, I do not remember the exact beginning... but I do remember times when that faith was made stronger (and most usually in the face of adversity to the faith).

Right now, I feel like my faith is really being refined. It would be (seemingly) much easier to give up on "the one" and placate myself with cute girls and fun personalities... and perhaps that would still be a healthy alternative to my "all or nothing" motto. However, we all know that I am not going to do that... silly me, the hopeless romantic, refusing to date for such horribly noble reasons as "I do not want to hurt another girl" as well as "I want to be emotionally ready when I do meet her." Sure, these sound like good reasons... but for now, I feel stuck in the BLAH! of life...

For now, I leave you with a quote from Count of Monte Christo:

"Life is a storm my young friend, you will bask in the sunlight one moment be shattered on the rocks the next. What makes you a man is what you do when that storm comes. You must look into the storm as you shout as you did in Rome. Do your worst for I will do mine."

Title Poem

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveller, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;

Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,

And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I--
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference

...Robert Frost

apparently my "ideal match"

For those of you who dont know... I am currently using eHarmony... yes, yes, enjoy your laughter... when you are done... continue reading.


Anywho, a strange observation I would like to make... I have taken the whole eHarmony personality test twice now... and I am noticing a strange pattern in the supposed "matches" that I am given. In all honesty, I am not sure what to say about it... so I am just going to throw some general trends out there that I have noticed, just various commonalities between myself and the 3-4 people a day eHarmony matches me with.

1) Almost all of my matches are in some way interested in Nursing... either they are a nurse, or they are wanting to be a nurse, or they are going to nursing school, or they want to be a medical missionary of sorts.

2) This next one is really strange... Another strange pattern I have noticed in my matches is that either they say that they want to have "lots" of kids, or they put "maybe" under the Want Kids category... it is really strange to me. It seems like my matches are all or nothing... Which really makes me think (especially as of late), who puts "maybe" in response to if they want kids. idk, I just find it strange...

3) Most of my matches I find in no way attractive... which has lead me to actually use physical appearance as a primary determining factor as to whether or not I initiate communication... It is horrible. I am really not a shallow guy, but many of these girls have similar personalities, and how much can you really know about a girl from two paragraphs of text... and so, alas, I am now shallow. haha.

4) Lastly... and I just find this amusing... I think it is hilarious that on eHarmony, you put your age and they also ask you how often you drink. The part I think is funny... is that the majority of my matches that are under 21, also state that they drink. idk, it is just funny to me...

Anywho, I want to know if my personality type just attracts nurses who maybe want to have kids... or if that is just the demographic of eHarmony. Ironically, I once dated a girl who wanted to be a nurse... and one of the reasons I knew we wouldnt work out was b/c she wanted to be a nurse, lol. Oh the ironies of life... In truth, it was more-so that I just wanted some-one who really challenged me, and she didnt really do that. Even more ironically, eHarmony actually suggested her as a match... HAHA! I am going to shut up now... lol.

Okay. My eHarmony subscription expires in a month... and thus far, I have only found ammusement. Hopefully this last month will be better than the last several months...

Overflow of my brain

Mental regurgitation, take 1:

I need more time... there is just so much I would like to do and accomplish that I just do not have time for. I need to become more scheduled, or God needs to grant me an exemption from this whole space-time continuum thing... haha.

I have books I want/ need to read. I have people I need to write letters or return emails or blog posts to. I have friends I need to call and chat with. I have debaters that are in need of way more perpetration. I have several songs that I need to be practicing on my guitar. I really need to organize my closet and room. I have tons of wood that still needs to be picked up around our property that I just can not find time for. I need to consistently work out, otherwise I am not going to make my goal. If I do not start organizing soon, I may miss out on life (due to only my own laziness, lol)

I am going to start organizing everything.... Now if I can just find time to do that... hahaha.

Mental regurgitation, take 2:
It was so weird watching Metro play tonight. Apparently, it was like quarter-finals... and the whole school had a pep-rally... and I knew that to those kids, this was the greatest moment in their life thus far. And yet, it was only a game. I remember that feeling though, not too long ago... where one game, or one debate seemed like everything. It is so weird, only being a few years after it, and looking back at kids who are in my exact shoes, and thinking "they are only kids". Now, dont get me wrong... this is a huge moment in their life, and it should be respected as such... but after my failures in debate and soccer, I remember it taking me a while to deal with all of that. Looking back at it now though, it is so much easier to see that one performance does not dictate how you are going to be the rest of your life.

Take for example my debaters. Their success and/or failures in the last two tournaments literally has nothing to do with how they will do in this upcoming regionals event. I do not now how to communicate this to them. In each of the kids that qualified, I see such great potential... they are all so incredibly different, that it is even hard in class to find a way to educate them all at once. And yet, I know that in their minds, they think they are all on the same playing field, only separated by their past performance at tournaments. Ironically, that couldnt be farther from the truth. It is not about being a "better debater", as if there was this stock criterion of exactly how a great debater should be... but rather, in preparation of regionals, the only way they are going to succeed, is if they can capitalize on what type of debater they already are.

At the end of the day, they will succeed or fail because of the effort they put into this preparation. Once the tournament is over, irrelevant of the resultant, I want them to carry that principle over into their personal life... that at the end of the day, it is not about how well you can fit a mold, but rather, how great a version of YOU that you can be. Otherwise, they are completely replaceable in life by a trained monkey... and that would just be silly, lol.

I guess I am saying that I want them to thrive as individuals and not as actors/actresses.

Mental regurgitation, take 3:
I feel completely neutral towards going to the University of Oklahoma. I am not too sure how I feel about that.... quite neutral actually, haha.

Speaking of OU, apparently, I have 3 years of school left... haha. Once again, I actually feel quite neutral towards that fact, lol.


Mental regurgitation, take 4:
I have been taking guitar for about a month now. And it has taught me one very important thing... that my brain can be my biggest obstacle in the way of me doing well in life. When I think too much, I do horribly. When I just chill out and let my fingers go, I am a prodigy... well, almost. :-)

Mental regurgitation, take 5:
I bought a lottery ticket today.... That would be nice. Though honestly, if I won... I wouldnt change much in my life. I would still teach my debate class. I would help my dad when he needed it. I would still finish the work with the trees. I would probably buy a house somewhere and set up an office, library, and reading room that I could call my "inner sanctum", or something of the like :-) I would buy my dad the plane he is looking at getting so that he and I could start learning to fly... and I would continue on my way to learning how to SCUBA dive..... Oh, and I would have to cut one heck of a tithe check, haha. As far as the world was concerned though... I dont think I would tell anyone other than my immediate family. :-)

Mental regurgitation, take 6:
I am tired... as in mentally drained. I look forward to some good rest.


Peace out girl scout. ;-)

book

I have a book in me. I can feel it. Now, it is just a matter of time... either I will find a way to get this out of me, or I will self-destruct.... in 5...4...3...2...