Changing the way I think...

In my class, we are working on changing the means by which we think... specifically, we are trying to more fully understand the way we think, and modify it according to our desires. Yea... this is really starting to sound strange... let me clarify.

Most people divide the means by which a person makes a decision or choice into two categories, logic and emotion. At any given cross-roads, there are two basic methods by which a person can make a decision... they can either use reason, or use impulse. Until now, life has seem to be a constant struggle between those greedy masters. While logic certainly has its high standing among philosophers and intellects, emotion is what makes the world go round, and for whatever reasons, seems to be the substance that makes life worth living.

I use to be a man of the heart... following my emotions, wherever they may lead me. Eventually though, reality happened, and I was forced to make some decisions based upon "logic" and reason. Now, I use the word forced loosely, obviously, as I believe it was my choice to make those decisions the way that I did. Hopefully, you can see that just in the way I formed that sentence, I am still in a logical frame of mind.

The point of this analysis, or study (whatever you would like to call it), is that I believe there is a third mechanism(?) by which a person can make a decision, and that third level, I believe, it properly utilized, will yield the greatest happiness, function, etc. on the road to making good decisions... or more specifically, on the road to Truth.

Now, I have already writing a blog mentioning this concept, but if you haven't spoken with me personally, you would just think I was crazy if I tried to explain it to you in text... as opposed to thinking me only marginally insane if we were to discuss this in person ;-)

Sometimes soon, I will make a vLog about this, so if you are unclear about the concept of making a decision from the core of your identity or spirit, in search of an absolute Truth, instead of being blown in the winds of circumstance... fear not, I will explain in due time.

This post, however, deals with the way that I think and process things in life right now. Not in the logic vs. emotion world... but simply in the way I look at life. Apparently, my dear anonymous friend will be leaving me for this season, but if they do find their way back to this blog... I suppose this post is my final response to them.


Over the last several weeks, my father and I have had several conversations about the way that I am approaching life. Specifically, he started treating me noticeably better (if that is a word) all of the sudden, about a month or so ago... Honestly, I had no clue what was going on... Almost out of nowhere, he stopped criticizing everything I was doing, he stopped micro-managing, and he even stopped arguing with me about everything. At first, I thought my mother had just gotten to him, and finally convinced him to stop riding my ass so hard. Honestly, I expected him to be back to his good ol' "Push you to greatness by kicking your ass" mentality. However, after a week or two, and he still was acting just as nice, if not even nicer... I finally asked him what had changed.

His response was interesting. He more or less (and not in an accusatory way), told me that he had seen me becoming a person with many traits he did not like... and that he noticed that those traits were ones that I had been inheriting from him over the last several years. Specifically, always looking for "what was wrong" with the situation... My father, since I can remember, always pushed me to be a better person. He was an idealist, and told me that not even the sky was the limit to what I could do. For that, I thank him, as I do believe myself to be an idealist. However, to keep me within the bounds of sanity, or for whatever reason he had... my father interfaced with me in a very unique way. No matter what I was doing, or what job I was working, or what paper I was writing... his first comment towards anything I had laid my hands on, was to point out what was wrong with it. In fact, if I gave him a paper (that I had written) to read, the first thing he would do would be to tell me the things I had done wrong in the paper... and then he would give me the "this paper is really great, good job!"... which, in trying to explain this to you, sounds insane. Honestly, maybe it was... but to me, I just always tucked the "good job" part into my ego, and the "it needs work" into my To Do list... and so life moves on.

Well, after working with my father for the last year in close proximity, he started to notice something about me... that I acted very much like he did when it came to projects or opportunities.... Only apparently, I had taken it way to far. Now, just so we are clear, I am not blaming this on my father... it was most certainly ME who decided to take this too far... however, I offer this conversation with my father as an explanation for my current disposition in life, not an excuse.

So, back to the story... My father noticed that I was a pessimist. Well, perhaps that is not the best word. My father noticed that I had a tendency to first think of everything wrong with a proposal before I would move on to find ways it "could work". And so, he changed the way he dealt with me... and now, I am working on rooting it out of my own life.

It is weird the things you notice yourself doing when you start looking for it. Take for example- working out. Since February, I have been working out at a gym, 5 days a week. [Egotistical side note: I would have you know that I now weigh 185lb (30lb up from last year at this time), thank you very much! :-)] In the last month, I have started to work out with my father... Now what is weird about this is the way we approach the weight we choose to lift. At first, I would always choose lower weight than him... because, well, he is much bigger and strong than I am. However, and this is where things get weird... I started to notice a trend. I would start with a low weight, and struggle with it. Instead of going down in weight, my dad made me go up. I told him it was impossible, but he told me to think positive (to which, I wanted to slap him for... at the sheer impossibility of lifting weight with positive thinking, haha). And so, I would go up in weight, strangely to find actually easier to lift. Next thing I know, I am noticing two mindsets that I could lift weights in. My normal mindset, which would limit me to lifting at least 30lb less than my father's weight... or, I could put all my thoughts aside, and just "decide" that I was going to lift the weight. Next thing I know, I was lifting as much, if not more than him. What is strange is... this transition didnt happen over time. It wasnt that I had "gotten stronger". This change happened in one day, during one workout. Because of changing the way I thought about life/ challenges for just a moment, I was able to lift as much as my father, a man that weighs 30lb more than me (of muscle).

During that workout, a few days ago, I saw the cross-application of how it applies to my every day life. My current mindset, or rather, my current default mindset towards life is pessimistic. During the moments when I am able to set that pessimism aside, I have found that I can do extraordinary things. As of two days ago, I have started working on setting my pessimism aside... permanently. To be honest, I am not sure exactly how it is going to happen. I am quite the idealist... so hopefully that will take over. In truth, there is going to have to be a lot of help from the big man upstairs on this one. However, in time, I expect there to be good change in my life.

I should warn you though, friends of mind... and non-friends out there in anonymous collective. If you thought I was crazy before... just wait until you see me in a few months. ;-)


PS- To my anonymous friend: Just so you know, any time you feel like stopping back into my blog, or life... feel free. You are always welcome.