Predestined to Marry

I have written a few posts now about my concept of "the one", and while it makes sense to me, I believe it has come across as a bit too ethereal for some... that being said, I would like to start this post by letting you know that I am in fact, NOT crazy. As much evidence as their may be... I am certainly a bit tweaked, and certainly not normal... however, I am not totally detached with reality just yet. haha

Today I was thinking about some of my past relationships. (blah topic, no worries.. I wont be on it for long) Not too long ago, there was a girl that I really thought I was going to marry. Long story short, I came to the conclusion that I did not want to spend my life with someone that carried her general disposition towards life. Ending that relationship was horrible on me. At this point, I have been through at least 4 very serious relationships, and that one was my great hope in the salvation of my heart, lol.

In that relationship, like many others that I have been in, I am absolutely certain that I could have married the girl, and lived my pseudo-happily ever after. Sure there would be a lot of give and take. We would probably need counseling now and then (but who doesn't these days), and I am sure, by the grace of God, things would have worked out just find.

Because of my decision to end several of these relationships, I have often been criticized as a perfectionist or to grandiose of an idealist. Ironically though, I was just trying to find a life I wanted, instead of tolerating a life I did not. Now, on to the point of this entire entry.

I believe that we have the capacity to choose. In fact, I think that our choices are one of the things that really defines us as humans and as individuals. Knowing that the decision as to who you want to marry, and then (hopefully) spend the rest of your life with is one of the biggest decision you will ever make (and continue making every day you stay with them), I think it is pretty easy to conclude that your decision in marriage greatly defines you as a person. Ironically, most people look at marriage as choice as to the person you want to spend your life with. This entry contends another side of the decision.

The person you choose to marry will define you as a person. On a humorous shallow level, we can see this in marrying a "major hottie"... if you are married to a hot person, that makes you hot... or at least lucky or funny (take your pick). You also see this on a more tragic stage, where many older men marry younger women because it makes them feel young, or like an Alpha again. In that same way, I believe we can conclude that in some way, your partner will define you as a person. By choosing to spend life with them and their personality, you are not only saying something about yourself, but you are also saying a very strong statement about who you want to be.

When we go to choose a partner for life, I strongly contend that we should look at not only who they are as a person right now, but what direction they want to go in life. I laugh when people call me a perfectionist, because in truth, I am far from it. In fact, I find great beauty in the imperfections of life. The same applies to a relationship. I do not think I should look for that "perfect person, with their perfect looks and perfect attributes"... but rather, I think choosing someone that I want to spend my life with is finding someone with a perfectly beautiful desired direction in life. By that, I mean, it is a given that people will change over time. Instead of trying to find someone who is everything you know your spouse to be NOW... I think it is better to find the person that is growing in the direction of that "perfect man/woman".

One of the biggest "turn-offs" I have seen in any girl is a strong will to NOT change. While the independence is cute/noble, and while I completely support having some foundational morals that never change... life just doesn't work like that. Life is all about change, about adapting, about growing. If you do not want to grow or change or improve, then you better run like hell from marriage NOW. In the same light, whoever that "special someone" is... I think it is really important to see how they are looking at their own life, and what kind of person they want to become in life. While it is good to be matched now, it is even better to be matched for LIFE.

When you marry someone, or even when you are in a long term relationship with someone, you are making a choice, and thus a statement. By investing yourself into them, you are not only saying who you are in life right now, but you are also telling yourself and the world who you want to become. I certainly have ideals about the woman that I want to marry... but much more than ideals, I have direction that I want to go in life (not so much a path, but a direction).

So, what now (because I am in singledom) - Every day, I am orienting myself in that direction... the person I want to be, the values I want to hold, the things I want to do, the environment I want to life in and give off... and one day, when life is ready for me to have partner, I will find someone who has also taken the "road less traveled by". In such a way, I suppose looking for "the one", is not like looking for a needle in a haystack, but more-so like finding a carpool buddy a third the way into the trip. (haha, I love this analogy!)

There comes a day when it is time for me to be married. On that day, I am confident that there will be a friend with me on this crazy overgrown path. Then, the decision is simple. At that point, it doesn't matter who (specifically) they are, or what traits they have right then. The important part is that we are headed in the same direction in life, walking side by side (and not just because one of us was following the other, lol)

I think it is easy to say that there are many people that you could marry. However, for you to "be all you can be", I think there is one person that you will marry. The good news is... it is all up to me and you. With this disposition, I am contending that we should not choose our spouse directly, but rather, we should choose our life first, and then let that life choose our spouse. I believe this is only way to find a true "life partner", without seeing radical and detrimental compromise occurring from both sides.

Those are my thoughts. I hope it at least partially made sense, lol